1happyprincess's Blog

I'm not sure what it is.  Wait, who am I kidding, I know exactly what it is... I just don't know how to find it or how to even describe it.

At first I thought it was love.  But that's not it.  Don't get me wrong, I love "love".  I love falling in love, I love being in love, and I love loving.  But that's not it. 

Then I thought, maybe a baby?  Before you run off screaming, don't worry... I will not ask you for your sperm.  At least not for making a baby.  Begging for it as we engage in other activity, now that's something different all together... LOL.  While I do want a baby (eventually), I'm still not ready.  Quite frankly, I'm too selfish to have a baby right now.  I love my job, I love my life, and I'm not ready to make such a HUGE change.  I'm not prepared for that kind of responsibility or committment or obligation or closeness or feelings or dependency or,,, family.

Maybe that's it: FAMILY.  I've never been part of a strong family unit.  I'm close to my father and brothers, but we're not a family.  We are, but we aren't.  We love one another, we spend time together, but our lives are not entwined.  Now at this point, you're probably thinking "Count your blessings, family can sometimes be a pain in the butt."  But you know what?  I think I want to feel that pain in my butt.  LOL, not that kind of PAIN... LOL.  Okay, I love that pain too, but this is not what this blog is about.  :)

My family went our separate ways many years ago and we didn't have a strong enough foundation to come back together and "belong".  Instead, we all managed to survive separately.  As a result, I am independent, strong, and self-sufficient.  But I have also learned that it is easier to push people away rather than let them in.

Closeness scares me.  But I need to be close.  I miss it.  I'm craving it.  I love "loving". But I don't like being love.

Closeness scares me. 
 

I haven't dated any older men or Doms lately.  The guys have all been close to my age.  This was a conscious decision and I think it backfired.

I noticed I've been shopping more and more.  It's not at the point where I'm hoarding or anything, but I get fixated on a particular thing and I purchase not only one, but two or more.  I've been down this road a little before and the men/Doms I've dated helped me control it.  Sure, maybe in the past I have substituted sex for shopping, but the sex was sooooo good!   

With the strict men I dated, they either helped me with my habit by being very controlling: budgets, inventory of my possessions, and punishment if I purchased something without permission. 

I know it sounds a bit weird.  I'm still trying to figure the whole thing out.  One part of me feels I should be strong and secure with myself and date men my age.  But the other side wants an older man who will control me and keep me grounded and in-line.  

Shouldn't I be able to stay grounded on my own?

I want a boyfriend who is my age so that my friends and family accept him.  But I need a man to guide/control me so that I feel safe and comfortable, but at the same time challenged and fulfilled.  When I'm with an older man, I want to please him and comfort him.  I love the intensity of the sex and reward of his semen.  Whereas, with a guy my age, I feel playful and silly.  Sex is okay, but the desire is short lived.  

I guess what I "need" and what I "want" are two different things.  I'm confused... and shopping way too much. 

Note: I'm also trying to lose weight. I'm currently #132 and I want to drop #20.  I'm afraid my goal is going to turn into a obsession.  I have had minor eating disorders in the past, and there again I ate to please the man I was dating. He put semen in all of my food and made sure I ate good, healthy meals.  Maybe for me... semen is the "cure all".    

here is an example of how people can ruin a fun thing:

straightforcock Jun 21, 2012 10:36 AM: i think you know hat you have beautiful boobs and you should stop fishing for compliments x
 
1HappyPrincess Jun 21, 2012 10:52 AM: am i fishing for compliments?  how so?
 
straightforcock Jun 21, 2012 10:56 AM: well ok but with boobs like that you must know they look fantastic, you shouldnt need us to tell you
 
1HappyPrincess Jun 21, 2012 10:58 AM: i posted my pics because it was fun. i'm not fishing for compliments or approval.
 
straightforcock Jun 21, 2012 11:00 AM: Approval isnt necssary see below

We were based in London and as i am sure you know there is a huge homeless population there.  My friends and i always walked past this same girl everyday and started to talk to her.  Eventually we took her back to our barracks to let her shower and get her some food. 

After we fed her and brought her to the shower one of my friends gave her a razor to 'tidy your cunt up'.  There were only comunal showers in the barracks then and we watched her shower, i think this was when she realised what was going to happen.

we brought her back to my room and took turns fucking her, she had a virgin ass so that made her scream a little, that excited all of us and we gangbanged her then.

She slept that night in my room andi woke her at 0300 for a BJ.  In the morning when she wanted to leave we told her she could stay and we would feed her but she was going to be fucked ALOT she agreed.  She spent her days locked in my room and evenings being used by our platoon.

At the end of a week we had a coridor party.thats when we look orselves in the corridor with loads of beer and just drink.  We started by making her bring us beer then she had to strip and dance for us.  The drunker we got the worse we treated her, once the first guy decided to fuck her we all joined in, she was gangbanged in the corridor by about 30men she was coverin cum and someone pushed money in her mouth so that she would be a real whore. 

I was really drunk by then and made her get dressed with all the cum on her and in her and then threw her of base.

I often wonder what happened to her and if shegot pregnant

1HappyPrincess Jun 21, 2012 11:03 AM: what does this have to do with the basis of your ariginal statement?

straightforcock Jun 21, 2012 11:04 AM: original and it just shows how little i think of your reasoning.  You know that you are just there to be used as man meat

straightforcock Jun 21, 2012 11:12 AM: Have i upset daddies little princess?

1HappyPrincess Jun 21, 2012 11:13 AM: no, but now i realize your lack of intelligence and sense. i hope you find what you are looking for.

1HappyPrincess Jun 21, 2012 11:41 AM: and since you felt compelled to correct my spelling, i thought i would return the favor:
necssary = necessary
comunal = communal
realised = realized
andi = and
coridor = corridor
orselves = ourselves
coverin = covered in

Hello!  It's me... your little happy "pervette".  Today, I'm going to blog about something a lot of EP women write about.  But please don't take this is a negative way, unless you're guilty of doing it.  If that's the case, this blog is for you!  LOL

And I promise not to go on and on about do's and don'ts of being my friend.  UGH, don't you just hate it when women do that!  Like it's some huge honor and privilege to be added to their list... WHATEVER.  Some women actually dedicate their entire "about me" section to "if you do this, I will not friend you.  If you do that, I will remove you".  BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.  Oh brother, life shouldn't be so dramatic.  Geesh!    *giggle* 

Before I go on, let me say how grateful I am that you have shown the interest (or maybe curiosity) to even read my blog.  We all have such busy schedules, and I'm just happy that you take the time to check in on me.  Thank you.  *hugs*

Now let's get this over with...

I don't add very many people to my friends list.  But if by some chance you have charmed me to the point that I'm dreaming about marrying you and in my heart I'm picking out our children's names, you have been added to my friends list.  So please do not be the type of "friend" who views my pics and disappears.  I really try to chat it up with people before I add them, and when I do, many have viewed my pics and POOF, they're gone!  Am I that unattractive?  LOL.  But really, it does kinda hurt when people do that.  :(

I thought I was a good judge of character.  But I guess it's hard to determine someone's motives just by emails and a little whiteboard exchange.  Oh well, live and learn! 

Oh, and I have to say...

Please do not ask to be my friend just so you can see my pictures.  Because trust me, you will be disappointed.  I am not a tall, thin, leggy girl with big eyes and pouty lips.  I'm pretty much your "girl next door" type.  And I do not have any nude pics posted.  Okay, granted... I do have boob pics in my albums.  But they are pretty much the same ones I've posted at various "Rate My Boobs" sites here on EP.

Thanks for hearing me out.  And thank you for being my friend. 

*hugs*

Footnote:

Please don't think I'm high maintenance.  I'm not asking for uplifting comments on my pics.  And please, please, please... no "tribute" pics.  LOL.  All I'm asking is for you to be my friend.  Believe me, I'm not all about sex.  I know, based on what I've posted here on EP and the groups I've joined, that is a huge contradiction.  But I do have lots of other interests.  Please take a little time to get to know me... maybe I'll surprise you.  :)

I went out with a man the other night.  We had a great dinner and did a little drinking.  When the night was over, he walked me to my door and gave me a nice gentle kiss.  Well, I think the alcohol got the best of me and we ended up making out a little at the door.  I opened the door and we continued to make out in the foyer.

As we stood in the foyer, he turned me around so that my back was facing him and he kissed my neck.  OMG, this always makes me melt. He gently kissed and licked my ear... and I let out these little involuntary moans. He reached around and fondled my breasts (and we all know that I LOVE that).  And as he kissed my neck and shoulders and licked and whispered in my ear, his hand rubbed my butt.  Before I knew it, my body was reacting to his touch.  I started to push my butt out to him, inviting him to explore.  And that he did.

He pulled my dress up and rubbed my bare bottom.  His fingers traced the cleft and he slid between my cheeks. By the time he reached my hole, I was going crazy.  Then he whispered in my ear "Does baby like being fucked in the ass?" When I responded that I've never done it, he kept rubbing my butthole but said that it would have to wait.  He continued to kiss my neck and ear and shoulders... as I begged him to push his finger in.

He turned me back round so that I was facing him and kissed me harder.  His hand went between my legs as we kissed.  He found me to be dripping wet.  He rubbed me from the outside of my panties as I squirmed and moaned and begged him to please touch me.

He smiled at me and said that he liked it when I begged and pleaded.  Then he kissed me on the forehead and told me to be dressed and ready to go out for dinner at 8:00 on Saturday.

And he left.

I am so horny... I think I'm going to explode.

I had to have some work done on my home security system the other day.  I ended up talking to the man about installing small, hidden video cameras.  He asked me if I had children and if I was wanted a few "nanny" cams put in.  I told him no and he looked at me in a quizzical way.

So I explained to him that I was interested in installing cameras throughout my house and streaming it on the internet.  He didn't question my motives at all.  Instead he explained to me that it would be cheaper to find an online "employer" who would pay for the installation, set me up on a website and help me find people to subscribe to my live video. 

He also told me there are devices where cameras follow motion.  That way, the viewers don't have to deal with a lot of split screens of the different rooms of my house.  Nor will they have to deal with "dead space".  It will also be easier for me as well.  The bathroom camera can also be adjusted to that it focused only on the shower and the vanity area.

For me, this isn't all about sex.  I love the feeling of knowing people are watching.  And it could be anything... as I cook, read, sleep, etc.  Invasion of privacy is soooooooo intense and stimulating.  Oh, and feedback is also important.  I would love for them to tell me what they are please with and what I need to change or improve on.

Only thing is... if i have friends over, I have to let them know the cameras are on or turn them off completely.  My friends would never agree to this and I would never do anything to expose them.  So maybe this is something to do when I'm alone. 

I am totally intrigued...  :)

Maybe this is more of a confession...

I AM HOOKED ON THE TLC SHOW "BBQ PITMASTERS".  And nooooooooooo, it is not because of the word "Master". 

Some of you already know that I don't own a TV.  It isn't a $$ thing, it is more of a discipline thing.  If I find a show that I like, I tend to wrap my schedule around it.  So in order to stay focused on more important things, I've eliminated TV from my life.

But...
I do have DVDs of my favorite shows:  West Wing, Sopranos, Sons of Anarchy, Dexter, Boston Legal, Nip Tuck... and a few more. 

Now...
I'm cheating and watching stuff on my computer or laptop.  And I'm hooked on Netflix.  That's where I discovered people like: Anthony Bourdain, Andrew Zimmern, Adam Richman, and now BBQ PITMASTERS.  Call me weird, but I love to cook.  And watching Anthony, Andrew, Adam and "The Masters" in action (eating or cooking), is just so much fun! 

So I invite you to come on over and taste my culinary concoctions... I promise not to kill you.  (At least not on purpose). 

Bon Appetit!

Went out with friends last night and ended up at this little dive down by the beach.  After a few drinks, we went to the other side of the bar to shoot some pool.  As we played, we laughed, drank a little more and fed the old jukebox our quarters.  Trust me, I'm not that good... but we had fun.

After a couple of games, I was finally getting the hang of it.  By that time, the table of men next to us were giving me tips on how to play. 

Then it happened... I made a shot... and he said:  "Good shot, little girl."  

And I melted.  

I would have done anything for him... well, almost.

No, ANYTHING. 

When we're good, it is like sweet cream in rich, dark coffee.

When we're bad, my heart aches and my stomach is in a million knots.

A few people recently asked me why I never mention my mother in any of my blogs.  It’s a rather long story and I won’t bore you with it here, but I will give you the condensed version.
 
I have five very distinct memories of my mother and my childhood:
 
A lot of clutter.  The house was never dirty, but she liked to keep a lot of things.  Stuff, lots and lots of stuff.  It wasn’t to the point where I would call her a hoarder, but we did have more stuff than we needed.  And it wasn’t necessarily nice expensive things.  Again, it was just “stuff”.
 
Cigarettes.  Yup, she was a smoker.  When I was a little girl, I used to think she looked like a dragon.  Odd, very odd...  my mother the dragon lady.
 
A beautiful Christmas tree.  She was a perfectionist when it came to our Christmas tree.  The house was beautiful at Christmas… maybe even magical.  But we were never allowed to decorate the tree.  She didn’t want us to mess things up.
 
The yelling.  I remember several occasions when I woke up to the sounds of her yelling and throwing things.  I’d get scared and cry, and my father would come into my room and hold me until I fell back asleep.
 
The match.  She walked out on us when I was six.  But she returned for a short time when I was ten.  I disliked the dragon lady for leaving us, but I missed my mother everyday and night.  I resented the dragon lady for returning, but I was happy my mother came home.  One day in a fit of anger, as the dragon lady was lighting a cigarette I called her a bitch.  And my mother put the match out on my face.
 
I still see her about once a month.  I hate the dragon lady, but she is part of my childhood and I have learned to accept that.  I love my mother, but she will never be an integral part of my adult life… and I have learned to accept that as well.  I am no longer broken.
 
I didn’t write this blog so that you would feel sorry for me, or for you to congratulate me for overcoming these obstacles.  I actually wrote this blog for selfish reasons.  2012 is my year to cleanse my heart, release the past, embrace love and live my life in peace and happiness.
 
It is also the time to bring awareness to the broken children in our community.  If you’re ready, take a minute and reach out to them.  Help them heal… and in return, you will heal.
 
Namaste.

My Father is coming over for dinner tonight… well, my Father and his new girlfriend.  I haven’t had much success with these first time meetings, so I’m a bit nervous.  At least we’re meeting at my house.  Not that I want or need home court advantage, but I am his daughter… the only woman in his life… his little girl.  Okay, enough babble.
 
The last time I met one of his girlfriends, it ended up being a bit uncomfortable.  Dinner went really well.  Heck, we were even making plans to go shopping the next day.  Then it happened… I asked her “What time should we pick you up tomorrow?”  Then there was silence.  I DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS THE SLEEPOVER TYPE OF GIRLFRIEND!  Yikes… awkward!  But this is my Dad.  Ugh, I don’t want to think of any woman in my Father’s bed.  But after a bit of stumbling and mumbling we decided 10:00 would be a great time to meet.
 
After dinner my Father whispered in my ear to join him outside.  Uh, oh… I knew what was coming.  As we walked down his side road towards the avocado orchard, we chatted about work, wine and surfing.  And then it happened… he said “Honey, we have to talk about shopping tomorrow.”  I laughed (rather uncomfortably) and said “Daddy, I know.  If I wake up before you and Mina, I’ll make the coffee.”  He kissed me on the forehead and said “That’s my girl.  I love you.”  And that’s all he had to say.  I knew I was still his number one girl… and the universe was once again as it should be.
 
That was a few years ago and he has a new girlfriend.  I’m older now and much more mature than before.  Or am I? 
 
I vowed never to make that silly mistake again.  Hell, I’m even going to cook them dinner.  Dad and I discussed the meal last night and decided on big, fat, juicy steaks.  So I went to the store this morning and picked up lobsters and shrimp.  I know, I know… we decided on steak.  But I wanted to surprise my Father with his favorite meal.  On the way home I gave him a call.  Just like a daddy’s girl, I proudly announced that I just picked up big, fat, juicy LOBSTERS.  SHIT, WHO KNEW SHE WAS ALLERGIC TO LOBSTER???  COME ON… SERIOUSLY???  Back to the store I went… for beef.
 
The menu for tonight:  For starters, marinated shrimp right off the BBQ (still the shell).  Crudité platter, easy… yay!  Maybe I’ll even throw in a wedge salad with homemade blue cheese dressing.  After all, we are having beef.  Oh, and let’s not forget the filet mignon. 
 
But Dad sounded so excited about the lobster.  Do you think a lobster bisque would be okay?  I don’t want to be insensitive to her food allergies, but since I have the shrimp and crudités, I think soup for my father would be acceptable.
 
But why can she eat shrimp and not lobster?
 
I better call my Dad again.
 
Oh geeeezzz, wish me luck!

Okay, so I'm at my desk with a co-worker.  I'm  training her on how to create tables and queries in MSAccess.  She's taking notes, but talking WAY too much for my taste.  Telling me about her cat, what she's going to do for Thanksgiving, etc.  But that's not my gripe.  She sets her pen down and accidently makes a mark on my desk. No big deal, I work in a cubicle environment where the desktops are constructed from a very durable, easy to clean material.  She notices the spot and tries to remove it with her finger... to no avail.  Now it's just a blurred, blue smudge.  Still no big deal.  BUT THEN...she licks her finger and rubs the blotch out with her SPIT.  I was horrified.  Okay, maybe not horrified.  But certainly grossed out and disgusted.

I opened my drawer, pulled out a Clorox wipe, handed it to her and politely said "Here, this might help."  She laughed and said "Oh honey, a little spit and elbow grease takes care of anything."  I didn't know what else to do, so I moved her pen and wiped the desktop myself.  I didn't want to be rude... but EWWWWWWWW.  Maybe she uses spit to clean the jam off of her grandson's face, BUT MY DESK???  At that point, I wanted to use Purell as well, but that would have been over the top.  LOL.

Come on... am I being a germaphobe or what?  "A little spit and elbow grease takes care of anything'???  Yeah, maybe if you are stroking a guy off or flicking your bean.  Or maybe when sliding a finger into one of your holes... BUT NOT TO CLEAN MY DESK.  for Pete's sake, go lick your own f*cking desk!!!  (Not that St. Peter would approve of my use of spit and elbow grease either.  But that's a different topic.)

Disclaimer:  Just because I have Clorox wipes in my desk doesn't mean I have OCD.  I just happen to be on the neat, clean, organized, and tidy side.  LOL. 

Thank you.  I feel much better now.  :)

Here is the skinny:

The three of us made out in the dark corner of the bar as Carmen and Andrew watched.  As one guy kissed my mouth, the other kissed my neck.  Mark's tongue was faster and more playful and Richard's kisses were harder and deeper... almost forceful.  Each man had their hands on my boobs and every once in a while on my thighs.  The blouse i wore was a wrap around so they were able to loosen it and expose my breasts pretty quickly. 

Just like with the kisses, Mark was gentle with my breasts, softly rubbing and squeezing them.  Richard treated them more like tits. Firm hard grabs, pinching and pulling my nipples.  But since we were in a bar, they didn't do much more than kiss me, play with my breast and nipples, while stealing a quick lick and suckle.  It was exhilarating knowing that I was exposed and that Carman and Andrew were watching.

Carmen and her husband invited me to have dinner with just the two of them earlier this week, but it didn't work out with my schedule.  I'm planning on joining all four of them tonight.

This is what I'm hoping will happen tonight:  A little drinking... this will relax me.  More kissing and groping with Richard and Mark... and with Camen and Andrew.  I really want them to totally seduce me and strip me naked.  I would love for them to finger me... all four of them.  And before the night is over, I want to suck 3 cocks and lick one pussy.  :)

If all that I described above happens tonight, I'm sure the topic of fucking will come up.  Since we have all gone out together several times now, and they have all been very open about their swinger lifestyle and what they want from me, Carmen and I have actually talked about how she makes the decision whether to fuck not.

She has always assured me that the pace of any activity will count on how comfortable I am with the situation... so fucking may not even happen.  It could be that two men fuck her and I watch as I suck one... etc.

I feel very safe with them, and the men have always been very gentle with me.  But I must admit... I am kinda scared...in a good way.

So for tonight... I just want them to use my mouth, and finger me and lick me.  I don't want a cock in either hole...  maybe that will happen on another occasion. 

I do want to watch them fuck Carmen.  I think that will be fun!
 
Wish me luck!
 
Kisses,
 
Clarissa 

Carmen wants all of us to go out again tonight.  My nipples get hard just thinking about it.  :)

I'll let you know if I decide to go. 

Bye for now!